I’ll never forget the day I became a mama and met my little Zachary James…I was just going thru some files and found his “admittance to NICU”…and there are parts your brain lets you forget…and there are parts that when you read it, it’s a video in your head, playing it all back…At this time 4 years ago, Zachary was 2 weeks and 3 days old, but had only been home for 3 days…and was probably doing this:
Now this isn’t a post about sadness…it’s a post about the miracle of life…of a PARTICULAR life…and how things change so fast and how you have to live each day…
Zachary James Kochel
I always try and tell you, you were wanted from the minute I knew your dad would be your dad…I wanted you with my whole heart. I can still remember hearing your heart beat for the first time and Dad chuckling a little bit nervously at me because he knew I was crying, but he was choked up too…Dr. Schmitt said, “You hear that? That is the sound of responsibility!” I heard it…but I just thought to myself, “Yeah…that’s the sound of my little boy!” I didn’t even technically know yet that you were a boy…but in my heart, I knew. I knew you would be my perfect little man…challenging me in so many ways…making me stronger and a better mom and person!
You grew in my belly and I daydreamed about what it would be like to be your mama…about the things we would do, the things I would teach you, how you would be my little buddy and go to the gym with me and shop with me and how I would cuddle you and hold you and feed you and bath you and just LOVE you.
The first time I laid eyes on you (above)…I knew my heart belonged to being a mama…I couldn’t stop staring at you and touching your toes…it was all I could touch. I counted them over and over again and couldn’t believe such sweet little toes came out of me…you were part of me…you were tough to get out and reading thru that before mentioned paperwork tonight, reminds me of what a true gift you are…how miracles happen everyday and how thankful I am for all the things “happening the way they did”…if we had chose any other hospital in the desert to have you, you would not be here with us…I keep forgetting that they had to intubate you when you came out…that you were a BIG boy, by any standards, but especially by NICU standards, and you were with the sickest of sick…OH, how I wanted to hold you and cuddle you and feed you, to pick you up when you cried, pull you close when you wanted to eat…but you had to get better…and you DID! It was a road I was positive we would overcome, I never doubted, but I think you can’t in those situations…you have to always believe…and I did…and you came home.with me.on January 4th, 2008.
First, we brought in 2008, Kochel Style…in the NICU!
and then the fun began…my sweetest, happiest, chubbiest, cutest, orneriest, stubborn, perfect little boy…I can’t believe 4 years have gone by…
1st Birthday
2nd Birthday
3rd Birthday
4th Birthday
Let me tell you, YOU ARE ALL THAT AND THE WHOLE BOWL OF CHERRIES!!! You bring a smile to my face every single day. You have something clever to say. You are loving. You are still learning that ladies go first. You are a little bit sneaky sometimes. You try to make good choices. You are stubborn. You are smart. You are FULL of energy. You are my little man. You are my buddy. You are exactly who we want you to be…YOU!
Happy Birthday to my little boy who almost didn’t make it…you make our lives fuller, our days more interesting and patience something I thought I had!! We love you so…
We love you, Buddy!!!
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