I can’t believe that I am sitting here and my BABIES are 1. ONE. Where did the year go? I remember the day I took that pregnancy test (well, maybe 3)…December 9th. It was a little early, but I got that line and I told dad and then I ran next door to have Vanessa look at the tests…just to be sure!
I could hardly believe that I was going to be a mama again…then I wanted to be sure everything was OK, and, well…then came some blood tests, which led to an EARLY morning ultrasound on December 24th, 2009. Yep…our little Christmas Gift…TWO babies!!!
As I sit here, I get weepy…I remember each day like it just happened. You and me, we’ve been thru a lot together…you have been all around the world in my belly and my arms…you’ve made me smile; made me scared when the Dr. put me on bed rest; made me cry when I heard your heart beating…you are my TWO PRECIOUS boys.
How do you put into words the love you feel for something that is a part of you? I look at you and I am amazed…you grew in me. You grew in me. You were wanted and loved from the moment we knew you were there. I loved having you with me all of the time, stretching my belly out farther than I ever could have imagined! I saw your heart beating, saw your hands moving, heard the thump of your heart, saw you grow each week, saw that blood clot get smaller and smaller each…then all of a sudden, the blood clot was gone, I knew you were BOYS, you were healthy, strong and BIG! Almost every week I got to peek at you and I loved it. I LOVED those days. It would be just me and you two, driving to Palm Spring, listening to music, you in my belly (probably dancing around in there), stomach in my throat hoping that all was well and then as you grew that knot went away…I just knew I was going to meet you. I saw you holding each other’s head, arms wrapped around the other…
(Twin A, that’s you Trev)…
getting to love each other up…feeling all that love for each other that I was feeling for you. I LOVED my big belly and all the moves you would make in there…I miss that. I really miss that. It was so hard to move…breathe…sit…but I LOVED giving you that house. I really got a kick out of people asking me, “How much longer do you have?” and I would say, “Oh, like 12 weeks.”…and people would about fall over…then I would mention, “Oh, there are two in there!”. I had no idea what you would look like, who you would be, what you would sound like…nothing…but I was mad about you…crazy in love with those little fingers touching each other, feet kicking me, butts up and down…
Trevor…Baby A…you were so mellow. You went head down and stayed head down from early on. You would just sit back and relax…sleep, hug on your brother and give me a few jabs every now and then!!! You were on board with mine and Dr. Bodon’s plan…you wanted to come out without a surgery and YOU (and the rest of the team…) made that happen!!! You were big…8 pound 3 ounces…and I had to PUSH a LONG time (45 minute)…but everyone was cheering, “Come on Trevor”…and you came out and then everyone said, “WOW…that’s a BIG baby!” You scared a me a little bit when you blew a hole in your lung and had to go to the NICU for a bit…and I was so sad that I didn’t get to pick you up and cuddle you right away…but Daddy went with you and came back and told me that you were asking for me!!! (…and I didn’t even get to get a picture of me holding you early on…)…I couldn’t wait for you to get into our room…to get you close to your brother…you were loud and you were pissed I wasn’t there to hold you right away and you stole my heart!
Brandon…Baby B…you were a FEISTY one in there!!! Kicking me all day and night, turning around, moving up and down, putting your head down, across my belly, under my belly…you did it ALL in there!!! But I guess we all knew that as long as Trev stayed in position, we were all good! I was ready for my 20 minute break (that’s what I read) before you came and RIGHT after Trevor came out…Dr. Bodon said, “Give me a BIG push!”…I, of course, had to ask why I didn’t get my 20 minute break…but I DID push and out you came BUTT first, 3 minutes after your big brother! 7 pounds 2 ounces at 8:37 pm!!! You and me…we got some special time together…you were my ONLY baby that I got to hold right away and it was heaven to me. All new and squishy, looking at me with those eyes…I cry right now remembering it…looking at me like… “SO YOU’RE my mama!…I’ve heard all about you, felt you running while I was in your belly, felt your love all around me…I can’t believe I’m finally getting to MEET you!” I cried and cried as I held you close…so relieved that you both made it…so happy that I was able to hold you close…sad that I couldn’t go to Trevor…happy that I could look right in your eyes…we talked a lot…you nursed right away…oh, I was head over heels.
I know how to tell you I love you…but I don’t know how to tell you in a way that you know HOW MUCH. You are my little sunshines, greeting me with smiles every day, reaching your chubby little hands up for me, following me around, holding my legs and pulling yourself up, laughing at my goofy faces, creating your own, making my heart big with each step you take, each word you learn, each new thing you master…I adore. I love your squishy little butts, how you are so different from each other, how you are so happy to say good morning to me, how Trevor reaches over and gives me kisses all day long and how Brandon saves them for the time when he can’t fall asleep and needs me to cuddle him and he looks up and kisses me with his big wet open mouth! How you love your big brother, steal toys and bottles from each other and chase each other all over the house. You are the sun in my day, the moon in my night and all the other things I love about this dance called life.
I could list every single thing I love about you and it would include everything you do…naughty encompassed! You boys make my life and I’m THRILLED to be YOUR mama.
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